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Call of Duty Modern Warfare 3 and The Elder Scrolls V : Skyrim. have some very similar qualities. They both have you shouting at the telly (albeit, the former will have you yelling phrases rather more explicit than ‘FUS RO DAH!), both encourage chicken genocide and both should be played as a marathon not a sprint. Both games take an inexplicably large amount of time to master, time that you either don’t have, or don’t want to put in.

Of course, your lack of willingness to use up your every waking moment on playing this game and it’s all-conquering online multiplayer mode should mean that you will be relegated to the non-Prestige little leagues forever. But this is not the case, not at all.

I’m providing you with a handy cheat-sheet that you can use to excel at the game in no time at all. (Please do add your own tips in the comments).

Click ‘Read More’ for the full list of Modern Warfare tips.

1. Team Up

Out of all of the pieces of advice we’ve included on this list, this is by far the easiest to carry out. All it requires you to do is to survey the pre-game lobby that you’ve been loaded into and figure out which player is of the highest level (of course level doesn’t necessarily indicate ability but it’s all we have to go on) and then choose the one with a clan tag. Before the game loads, quickly go into the customisation window and switch your clan tag to theirs (if you’re a lone ranger). This will make you become a member of whichever team they are on, making you much more likely to be on the winning team – even if you’re a terrible gamer (like me), you can still score points by staying for the entire duration of the match.

2. Tune your Killstreaks

My second piece of advice comes from a feature that is new to Modern Warfare 3  – the ability to earn ‘pointstreaks’ as opposed to ‘killstreaks’.

On offer are 3 different types of streaks, one of which is the ‘Support’ type. The support streak allows you to choose rewards which, you guessed it, support your team. Which is great news for your team but even better news for you as every kill you make not only counts towards your rewards items, but they also rollover even when you kick the bucket. Meaning that if you’ve made enough kills and called in a fairly decent amount of rewards, by the end of the match you will have racked up more points than Billy Shakespeare on an episode of Countdown.

3. Know Where to Hide

Tips 3 and 4 somewhat tie into each other. Assuming that you’re not lazy enough to go and have a crack at cappin’ fools (or making a fool of yourself, in my case) in each map at least once or twice, you’ll want to try and visit each one and find a good place to hide. Then, using your newly found aptness for winning Hide ‘n’ Seek, get yourself into either the Headquarters Pro or Search and Destroy game types and take advantage of the ‘last man standing’ form of playing. Even if you are too bad, or simply can’t be bothered to eliminate your enemies, an effective hiding place will have you becoming a top-scorer before you can say “Victory, comrades!”

4. Camp

You’ve already read my easiest tip to winning at Modern Warfare 3, now you can find out the cheatiest one. Obviously camping is no way to win you ethics points from me or your fellow team members and should not be used under any circumstances. Unless you’re lazy and you want to get ahead. This is a method that is so dependent on laziness that it actual requires your character to lie-down. It’s the ultimate in lazy playing.

Some of my favourite camping spots include : on top of the tunnels in the Hardhat map (the building site), in the secretary booths in Arkaden (the airport) or behind the car with the tarpaulin next to it in the furthest corner of the Resistance map (the Parisian map with the open-air cafés).

5. Pick a Game Mode and Own the Stuffing out of it

Originally this tip was going to be called “play to your strengths”, but of course if you don’t have any or if there’s nothing that you’re absolutely ace at, I suggest you go out and play all of the modes, well, the ones that interest you at least. It seems obvious, right? But you’d be surprised at how many people waste time trying their hand at team deathmatch when Capture The Flag’s suicide sprint missions fare better to their ability. Like most things, if you keep at it, you’ll become even better and eventually you’ll be an unstoppable virtual force to be reckoned with. Sure, you can’t put it on your résumé, but it will mean that you thwart every other player in that mode, with barely any time at all spent on your own training.

6. Take Advantage of Glitches

Don’t worry about this one, I’m not about to let you get yourself banned on account of taking my advice, especially given that hacking Modern Warfare 3 carries a possible 14 year ban but there are some very useful development errors than you can take advantage of and get ahead in the game at Infinity Ward/Sledgehammer Games’ expense. For every map there’s several glitches, be it telephone wires that you can walk on, climbable market stalls or shopping kiosks that allow you tower over the opposition, unable to be killed, yet able to kill others.

There are plenty more glitches than the ones I’ve listed above, try the aptly titled modernwarfare3glitches website for some ideas.

Have you got any Modern Warfare 3 tips to share? – Leave a comment!